last new years eve, i had my last
glass bottle of wine. i was tired, and had to work the next morning so i went to bed well before midnight. i had no intentions of quitting drinking. the next couple of days i just wasn’t feeling it. then i got the idea “how much different would my life be if i didn’t drink alcohol for one year?” ha! what was i thinking? I could hardly make it three weeks before giving in. what on earth made me think of wanting to try for a year. so began my #alcoholfree2016 journey.
so, i wanted to see how much my life could change if i didn’t drink a bottle of wine every night. there were so many changes. some great things, and some not so great things. somehow, i stayed sober though it all. many times it was pure stubbornness to reach my goal. some days i almost gave up. i had to reach out for help. because i couldn’t do it anymore, i needed someone else’s strength. but eventually i have regained my own strength.
january was a pretty easy month. i didn’t have any real cravings or urges, until the last day of the month after spending the day in the hospital with my grandmother. i began my priestess apprenticeship in january. in february, i lost her. if you were around back then, you probably remember how bad that fucked my world up. but i stayed sober. also in february, i got my yoga teacher certification. in march, i finally went public with my recovery and my year without alcohol journey. i was so terrified, but i got nothing but love and support from so many people. in april, i took my youngest daughter to her first concert. we saw nahko and medicine for the people. in may, my husband and i both admitted that we were unhappy, and we both agreed to work on things. in june i went on an amazing retreat in north carolina. i experienced a lot of growth and healing there. I also got certified as a smart recovery facilitator. in july, i told my husband that things hadn’t seemed to be changing. i felt like i was putting way more into it than he was. i was giving all my energy to it, but getting nothing in return. i was exhausted. once again we agreed to work on things. in september i went to california for the goddess festival and then chilled out on the beach for a couple of days. while i was there, my mom had been staying at my house because of drama with my dad over alcohol and her drinking and she had a seizure at work. she was ok though. in october, i completed my certified ethical psychic course. then, the day before the husbands birthday, i told him i couldn’t keep doing this, that nothing was changing, and he didnt seem to want to try. id suggested counseling and several other things, none of which happened or he seemed interested in. he finally told me that he didn’t love me anymore like a spouse should and knows he can’t give me what i want and need. we agreed to end the marriage. i was heartbroken, but i kinda knew it was coming. i felt relief having closure and hearing the truth. ive been a stay at home mom for nine years with a part time job the last almost three years, so i figured i desperately needed money so i got a job waiting tables in november. i like it for the most part, and i like most of the people who work there. some of us will go over to one girls house and hang out sometimes. we like to dance in her kitchen and oh it’s so much fun! my cousin works there too, so that’s fun. it’s nice. december was hard and emotional. my favorite uncle died the day before my birthday. and it being the first holidays without my grandmother and as a single woman.
it’s been a crazy year. my life changed in so many ways, some of which i never expected. but i know everything happens for the best, and im ready for things to start getting better. im learning to let go of the past, and slowly learning how to be an adult. im super proud of myself for reaching my goal and i look forward for what’s to come.